Webinar: Working With Difficult People

I had an experience in my workplace that I'm not proud of, but that was a learning moment for me. (Nobody was physically touched!) So I requested some training and WebJunction had a nice, 1hr webinar titled, "Working With Difficult People." Below are my notes from the webinar. I definitely needed to learn these new skills because on the pre-test I scored a 30%!

Goal: To deal with the behaviors of negative people in the workplace by moving from emotional reaction to effective actions.

People who use negative behaviors reduce productivity, damage relationships, affect morale and dampen enthusiasm by casting negative light over staff efforts. Typical reactions to these behaviors are:

• Avoidance- due to being emotionally drained b/c the behaviors cause frustration and stress
• Anger- you become obsessed about the situation or apathetic about work

Types of Negative Behaviors (communication in the form of manipulation) and their predictable traits:

• Whiners- "poor me" syndrome- want empathy and attention and seek affirmation of being a victim; typically use "I," "never," always!," "the worst."
• Complainers- tend to identify specific people & issues with problems they know how to resolve; use "do it my way," "you're wrong." Easily identify other people's faults. They view themselves as analysts instead of innovators. May feel powerless to affect change and look for others to take responsibility to make change.
• Blamers- shift blame; justify their reactions by saying they were provoked; they are critical and judgmental and set themselves up as victims. They may blame because they are trying to cover up their incompetence.

Three Steps to Dealing with Negative Behavior:

1. Listen. a) to identify the negative behavior displayed and b) to determine if the issue has validity
2. Demonstrate understanding of their issue. This does not mean that you agree. there is no judgment needed (I dis/agree) to demonstrate understanding, just a simple restatement of the facts of the issue.
3. Resolve the issue by validating their right (not yours) to resolve the issue on their own.

Change is made through positive, consistent solution oriented approach. Don't buy in to their behavior and don't compete with their behavior. Suggested solutions per behavior:

• Whiners- tell them they have the power to change what they don't like; get them to focus on specifics.
• Complainers- get them to focus on solutions.
• Blamers- goal is to get them to accept responsibility. For blamers, specific techniques are required. KNOW: Blaimers see it as a sign of weakness to accept responsibility and view criticism as a personal attack. They fear punishment and seek to protect their ego. To resolve issues you'll need to:
  • Confront: "x,y,z happened. Did you do x, y, z?"
  • When they avoid responsibility, give specific examples and be precise: "it was your computer and it was your log-in, when x, y, z happened. Is there anyone else who has access to your log-in?"
  • Be non-threatening. You have to help them accept responsibility by giving them ownership of the issue and the solution.
  • Use close ended questions (Yes, no type questions). Do not give blamers the chance to reinterpret the facts.
  • Show your co-operation by taking responsibility for the items that are legitimately your fault and by proposing solutions to address those faults.

And then I made it to the end. I re-took the test and got in the 90s, so obviously I was ill prepared for my learning moment, but I gained something from it. I hate tough-love learning situations. Why can't we just all be polite? (complaining! :))